I'm not ready for this
by ocobsessedrachel2
Summary: I, Meredith Grey, am most likely pregnant. Unless, of course, I just happen to have all of these weird, random pregnancy signs for no reason whatsoever... Meredith's pregnant, MD
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: abc owns it all, but if I could, I'd buy McDreamy**

My feet are swollen and my body aches. My head is throbbing and it seems like every minute a new wave of nausea hits me. My breasts are most definitely bigger and I think that my period is almost two months late. My stomach is rounded and I have a pimple on my forehead.

This can only mean one thing. I, Meredith Grey, am most likely pregnant. Unless, of course, I just happen to have all of these weird, random pregnancy signs for no reason whatsoever. And the fact that the two pregnancy tests that I took proved positive, it _probably_ means that I am _most likely_ pregnant.

I am trying to think back to when I last had sex. There was that time two weeks ago, with that guy from that diner. And then there was that time last month, with the college boy. There was Steve, the guy whose penis I broke. Oh, and the day before yesterday… right, the day before yesterday, that was a good one. But before college boy I can only remember back to Derek. It's been almost four months since we have been together. _Almost_ four months. Actually, it has been three months and twenty-two days since we last did it.

But now is not the time to think about Derek. Because I am pregnant, and the 'I'm depressed over Dr. McDreamy,' issue will have to wait until later. Even if every time I look at him my body feels pain and my eyes threaten to tear. I am pregnant with a child of whom I do not know the father.

I'll think about this later. Another time when I am not so caught up over McDreamy. I'll get tested tomorrow, I promise myself.

- - - - - - - - - - -

I push open the door the Seattle Grace Locker room, met by Christina who looks at me under a furrowed brow.

I walk straight pass her with my head focused straight ahead and open my locker, removing my scrubs from them. I try to ignore the fact that Christina's body is leaning against the side of my locker, staring straight at me with a 'spit it out and tell me' look. She knows that something is up.

I sigh and slowly turn my head to her. "What?"

Christina blinks at me.

"_What_?" I say a little more agitatedly.

Christina nods slowly, the corners of her mouth facing slightly downward.

"Christina, you are pissing me off. _What_ do you _want_?" I stomp my foot slightly and cross my arms.

"Spill Meredith."

"There is _nothing _to spill Christina," my eyes narrow and I stare at her for a moment before stomping off and out the door.

- - - - - - - - - - -

"Hi," I smile, speaking to the secretary at the front office of the gynecology department. "I have an appointment with Dr. Grant."

The secretary gives me an odd look. "She'll be right with you doctor."

"Thank you," I smile, turning to sit down in the waiting room, avoiding the eye of the confused secretary.

"Meredith Grey" I hear several minutes later. "The attending physician will see you now."

- - - - - - - - - - -

"Dr. Grey, nice to see you. What brings you to gynecology this morning?" Dr. Grant, a middle-aged woman in her late forty's, says to me warmly, motioning for me to sit down.

I smile. "I, well, I have been having some pregnancy related signs, and I just wanted to get it checked out. You know, make sure that I am not _actually_ pregnant. That it's something else. Anything else."

Dr. Grant nods. "Have you taken a pregnancy test?"

"Yes," I nod, "two, both positive." Okay, that's a lie. I took three more before work this morning. Positive, positive, positive.

"Okay," she says, "Positive pregnancy tests could simply be a sign of an excess of estrogen in the blood stream. What are the symptoms that you have been experiencing?"

"Well," I think, "Nausea, dizziness, breast pain, swollen feet, my menstrual cycle is almost two months late…"

"And within the past five months, how many times have you been sexually active?"

I blush furiously. "Several."

"Okay. And do you know who the father would be?" _Would_ be. Notice she said _would_.

"I am not sure." Great, now I sound like a skank. A dirty little skank with bad luck.

Dr. Grant writes something down on her clipboard and smiles at me. "Alright Dr. Grey, I would like you to put on this gown," she points to the regulatory hospital gown that I have seen oh so many times on my own patients. "Put on this gown and make yourself comfortable. I am just going to set up the ultrasound for you."

"U-ultrasound?" I ask, slightly confused. "I just gave here for a proper pregnancy test. No ultrasound. I am probably not even pregnant. I don't need an ultrasound."

"While this could be true, Dr. Grey, you are experiencing all of the common signs and symptoms of first trimester pregnancy. Two home pregnancy tests that you took both proved to be positive, and if I am not mistaken, your abdomen appears to be slightly enlarged," she says as I self-consciously look down at my belly. I hadn't noticed that until now, but obviously Dr. Grant had. Suddenly a wave of panic runs through my veins. What if someone else had noticed? Izzie and George hadn't mentioned anything that morning, Dr. Baily greeted her as usual, Alex was his usual evil-spawnish self and Christina… Christina. She had noticed something. She had, after all, been pregnant before hadn't she?

"Fine," I mutter, beginning to take off my pants and Dr. Grant nods and exits the room.

It isn't for several minutes later that Dr. Grant reenters and asks me to lie down on the examining table.

"This might feel a tad cold, Dr. Grey."

I touch of the jelly almost makes me jump. I was surprised at how cold it actually was. I had always told my patients what Dr. Grant had said, how it might feel a tad cold. But wow, this _was_ really cold. She had always assumed that it was the patient's nerves when they would yelp.

After a few adjustments, Dr. Grant points to the monitor in front of her and smiles. "Congratulations Meredith. You are, in fact, pregnant."

She waits for a moment while I let the news sink in. Pregnant. I am pregnant. I can't be pregnant. This is only my first year in the Seattle Grace Intern program. I fought tooth and nail to get in here, and now I am pregnant!

"Pregnant?" I ask again, just to be sure.

"Yes, almost four months along actually. I am surprised that you hadn't come in earlier. You are going to start showing very soon now."

I nod, still slightly in shock.

"Would you like to know the sex of the baby?"

Then it hits me. I am going to be having a baby. A cute little baby for me to spoil. Tons of baby clothes and baby toys. Oh how I love babies. But I am not _ready_ to have a baby. I'm twenty-seven, just starting my career! This isn't the time for babies. I had always planned to be a mother, but not so soon. Not for another several years at least. Not until I had had met Mr. Right.

"Yes," I hear myself saying. "I would like to know."

**Okay, that is the first chapter. I am hoping to make this a multi-chapter story. I know it's just like the all the other ones and bla bla bla. But if you like it great, leave a review! **

**- Rachel**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow! I don't think I have ever received so many reviews in one chapter. You guys are all great. Thanks so much.**

**Disclaimer: if I owned it, Addison would be back on her pretty little way to NYC**

I walk up to my room in an almost drunk fashion. My eyelids are droopy and my body feels about ready to collapse. I somehow manage to find my bed and rest my head on the oh-so soft, oh-so cushiony pillow, and pull my knees to my chest.

But as tired, and as almost-brain dead as I am as a result of a 48 hour shift, I find myself having trouble falling asleep. Does that ever happen to anyone? Are you ever simply so tired that even when you are lying down with your eyes closed, you can't seem to fall asleep?

Well, it happens to me. Like now for instance. All I can think of is my baby. My baby boy. Dr. Grant asked me to take some time to consider my options, but I know what I'm doing. I'm keeping it. He's mine.

And from what I've figured out, he's also McDreamy's. It hasn't yet struck me how Derek will react when he finds out the news. _If_ he finds out the news. All I can think of is the beautiful little baby, or fetus-almost-baby, growing inside of me. It's funny. I am a doctor, I am a surgeon, I spent seven years in the top medical school on the east coast, and after all I have experienced, nothing could have prepared me for this feeling. I have created life. And although I am being very un-Meredithy right now, I really can't help it, and I really don't care. Maybe it's the hormones, or maybe I'm just excited.

I find myself lying in bed, thinking about why my baby will look like. He will have Derek's hair and smile, his beautiful smile. He will have my eyes. Derek once told me that they remind him of fire. I never really understood that, considering the fact that my eyes are pale to the extent of being grey, kind of like my last name, huh, that's interesting. Derek laughed when I didn't understand.

"_Derek, my eyes are blue, grey even. They are not anything special, they are plain, ordinary eyes."_

_Derek shook his head, brushing back a piece of my honey blonde hair and sighing deeply, looking at me as if we were the only ones on the planet, which of course, is not humanely possible, but even still, it felt that way. "You're eyes remind me of fire, because of the glint you get in them when your lying. They remind me of fire when I see the fury beneath them when you're angry or upset. I see fire shining when you smile, when you get that tiny sparkle, that tiny twinkle that makes me want to rip of your clothes." He gave me one of his heart melting, I-want-sex-now smiles "You're eyes remind me of fire, Meredith."_

Thinking of the moment so long ago still sends shivers up my spine and through my body. And then I go back to daydreaming about the little person currently growing inside of me, and then back to fantasizing about Derek. It really is a cycle.

I am just closing my eyes to remember the day when Derek first told me he loved me, when Izzie so rudely enters my room.

"Hey Mere! Christina tells me you're pregnant." Izzie smiles widely and pauses before speaking again. "Who's the father? I mean is it McDreamy? But you haven't been with him for a while now. Oh is it that cute college guy from Joe's? He was adorable Mer, I hope it's him. Oh and how are you doing with everything? Have you gone to the doctor yet? Mere—"

"Izzie!" I say, cutting her off before she manages to set the world record for rambling. "I don't know what you are talking about."

Okay, I lied. Christina obviously figured it out and _obviously_ told Izzie who was _obviously_ beyond excited.

"But," Izzie looks confused. "The baby, you. You're having a baby… right?"

I shake my head slowly.

"But Christina… Christina said—"

"Izzie," I say calmly, "Do I look pregnant?"

Izzie looks at me and thinks for a moment, as if she's trying to figure out how to answer me politely. "Well, I mean, a little bit, kind of, yeah."

I sigh. I'll be showing even more soon so I may as well tell my best friend since my _other_ best friend obviously knows and my other, _other_ best friend will soon know as well.

"Fine," I mumble, "You caught me. I'm pregnant with McDreamy's baby, three months and a few weeks along. I'm having a boy, and Derek has no idea, nor does anyone else," I say, and then add, "And I would like to keep it that way Izz."

Izzie looks at me for a moment and smiles. "It's okay Mer, I've done this before, and it really isn't that bad."

I don't even bother to ask what Izzie was talking about or how she knows what exactly she has done. I just nod and let the tears that have been threatening to fall for days, let loose.

"I'm nervous Izz. I'm nervous and I'm excited and I don't know what to do. McDreamy doesn't know, and I don't think I want him, back just because of this baby. I-I, I don't want to have to leave the intern program, and I know absolutely nothing about b-babies." My tears slowly turn into sobs as Izzie hugs me warmly.

It's strange. I am not known for being a crier. In fact, I am usually one of those, "hold it in until you can't anymore," types. I've pretty much known that I was pregnant for over a month now. But, being me, I've chosen to deny it, and have left myself to deal with the consequences now.

"Hey, hey Mer," Izzie says, pulling back and smiling at me. "Let's think of names."

And so with my eyes dry and Izzie's arm around me in a best-friend sort of way, together, we think of names.

**Okay, actually, tonight's episode almost made me cry. Poor George… I love Mer but I can't believe she did that to him. Anyone else feeling a huge bout of sympathy for Georgie?**


End file.
